just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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