Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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