I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
