Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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