I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
