I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
