you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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