Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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