I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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