drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
