She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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