Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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