haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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