My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
