I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
