my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
