I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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