Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
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get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
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Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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