Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
