I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
