he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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