party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
