If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
