I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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