At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
