sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
