During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
