take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
