I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
