it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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