sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
