I wish I could teleport
I met the friendliest cop last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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