Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want nice things and good sex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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