You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
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He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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