I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
