I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
