hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
