my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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