So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
