For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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