I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
