Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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