thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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