i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
