if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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