I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize