Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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