No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!