Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
