so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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