Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
