I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do vagina's smell?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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