You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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