I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
