we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The power of my boobs compel you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it fun? or sober?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
