booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it glows. i had to have it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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