I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
